So I am currently in the 5th day of withdrawal hell. things must be getting a bit better because I can look at the screen and my hands aren’t shaking so much that I can’t type + I actually walked somewhere which felt entirely impossible but I actually managed to do it, yay, my legs are even more like jelly now. feeling temporarily elated after actually achieving something though! I hope I can continue to find my way through this pain and find some light at the end.
I’m vaguely back home for an evening. I may have reached a truce with my mum.
Well my mum forged my signature and stole 1000 thousand pounds I was supposed to be using to get started in life. I am now officially totally fucked luckily the people I live with are really desperate to help me and are really bending over backward. They keep making sure I know that I am welcome to stay aslong as I want. I don’t have to pay rent or anything. Obviously I am not abiding there trust, so I am trying to help out by general house keeping, cooking dinner and any other way I can help.
Damn I’m lost soul, homeless and I don’t know what’s going on.
I’m staying with a women that I trusts house. She is very kind and generous but she is also my dealer and the drug taking Is fairly open around here so it’s hard not to use, but tbh I’ve been using less and more safely here. However I have yet managed to sleep. The doctor has prescribed me some zoipledem for the next 7 days and I have some benzos coming. I think I haven’t been sleeping because the last few days have been rather traumatic. Ie family cutting off all contact with me, mum abusing my trust, going behind my back and lying to my doctor about me and my behaviour, saying she hated me and that she wished she could throttle me. I told her I loved her she said yeah whatever. My brother wouldn’t look at me. She outed me as a heroin addict to everyone. She stole my bank card and identity card from me while I was speaking to a doctor about trying to get put onto an alternative to heroin so I could reduce begin recovery and go into rehab. Then my mum went into doctors with me, told some more lies and despite doctors advice that it was dangerous for me to simply stop didn’t give me back my bank card with my money. Then she dropped me on the streets and said she was changing the locks . Bearing in mind I never stole, never acted badly, in fact bent over backward to make her happy. I think she definitely has traits of BPD and npd. Oh well she has shown her true colours now. I feel kind of freed I can no go about building My life away from her manipulative behaviour. I’m trying to get on some benefits and I’m on the young and homeless register so soon I should get a house I hope. I can get clean, start therapy and finally begin my life and stop just tumbling through my life. I’m at the bottom, the only way is up. Today I really believe today is the first day of the rest of your life. I’m pretty sure my mum has given all my stuff too a charity shop, as she said I can only keep what I can carry out of the house.
Okay so rehabs take time to get into, so I am homeless until I get into one.
megabytepoetry replied to your post “Tomorrow I am going to rehab/psychiatric war, so I may not have the…”
Be well! Talk to you on the flip side.
thank you will do :)
ragingredd replied to your post “Tomorrow I am going to rehab/psychiatric war, so I may not have the…”
I wish you lots and lots and lots of luck <3 I think youre amazing and brave and I know you can do this xxxx
<3, I just hope that I can become a brave person. thank you
goryeoqueen replied to your post “Tomorrow I am going to rehab/psychiatric war, so I may not have the…”
I wish you safekeeping and love!! You’re a very sweet kind person and I hope time passes quickly so I can talk to you again. <3 I hope everything goes well while you’re there
me too much love, I hope I can go there and I can coem out an act like a kind and sweet person.
noque-sera-serah replied to your post “Tomorrow I am going to rehab/psychiatric war, so I may not have the…”
I am bad at words lately, but I wish you all the best and a safe return. <3
no worries, thank you :), I’m not 100% weoher I want to go or not, and this is voluntary unless my mum decides to section me.